goodbye

i am leaving the philippines. incredible, really. after wishing so much for this day to come, now that it is actually here, i am quite sad to leave. somehow in the midst of all the challenges and frustrations, i actually fell in love with this place.

i feel strange about leaving. and i don't know how to express most of my thoughts or feelings about it. i am excited about going to south america and beginning something new, the next phase in my life, but sad at leaving this place that has in many ways become another home.

the past six months have been such a mixture of good and bad experiences. i don't know if i'll ever be able to convey how much they have meant to me. these little lists will suffice for now:

things i won't miss:
- "let's eat" and "eat more"
- that beautiful girl song
- roosters
- the general lack of responsibility and accountability
- no one asking how i am or how my day was
- instant coffee
- all the bugs and having to wear insect repellant all the time
- no seat on the toilets / toilet paper / flush / ability to wash hands after
- the smell of copras
- being leered at / the men in general

things i will miss:
- ate cecille's laugh
- high-fiving sally and mycel over inside jokes
- sitting behind bagyo on his trike and chatting
- coconuts
- walking out back in the morning to watch the sunrise
- the resthouse
- "ate (big sister) alexis, what is your name?"
- ken kissing my cheek and giving me a big hug when i come home
- being ate
- the dogs following me everywhere
- meeting new volunteers
- the deli / romblon / mango shakes
- the sanctuary
- the outline of bangkas against the water
- travel by boat
- foods: sarsa, kalamansi, wing beans, mungo beans, jackfruit, atis, mangos
- my multiple families
- the kids in sugod yelling at me every time i go by